Mountain City yellows
They're not on the grounds they're in the wall
This loneliness is so distracting
I'm barely missing you at all
Will I survive the Easter in this sloughy womb of noxious isolation?
No I can feel the sabers now in my
Illusionary casket
Now your charming little virus
Is getting all your attention
As I drag my chair up to the window
To absorb some solar lashings
It's your saint's name day tomorrow
But last year's paper wasps, they are not living anymore
Why should I be scorned like some catalyst
For famines when it's me who's been exiled in apartments?
Oh, must I always be
Chaos arpeggiating?
Mountain City yellows
I see them glitching through the floor
The minotaur of self-abuse can't pick himself up anymore
Your last violent freak out was a eulogy to us
Oh, I was truly touched that you still cared enough to throw psychotic fits
And now I'm sparring with the no-one
The void, the vacuum of conscience
As I mine the rust of my celebrity
With snarls and mock laughter
I have the sense that you're wanting me to chase you
But what's the point?
We can't be together without starting a row
Why should I be scorned like some catalyst
For famines when it's me who's been exiled in apartments?
Oh, must I always be
Chaos arpeggiating?
Why should I be scorned like some catalyst
For famines when it's me who's been exiled in apartments?
Oh, must I always be
Chaos arpeggiating?
Chaos arpeggiating
I'm such a vulnerable lad
With nothing to protect me
From your world so bright and full of laughter
I went home and sank my head into the pillow
I closed my eyes and tried to hear it again
To hear you laughing again
I cried in a dream
While i was staying at your place
I tried to talk about it over breakfast
But you made a joke out of it
And i never told you why
My, my, my, didn't it seem
That you were only playing with me
I wrote you a letter on the flight home
Which evolved into a love poem
So, of course, i couldn't send it then
I cried in a dream
While i was staying at your place
I'm such a vulnerable lad
With nothing to protect me
From your world so bright and full of laughter
Other people can be so disappointing
I need to spend more time alone
What gives us the right to be so depressing?
224 West 16th Street was our cathedral
These tears I cry for you must prove that
I'm not the demon that I'm meant to be
You say you love me though just like you aren't too shady
Knowing what you know, it must be hard to
Trust someone who's so similar to yourself
Don't you know it's pointless to try and bully me into caring more
Assume no fault of your own
It's really just the boredom of being someone's captive
These tears I cry for you must prove that
I'm not the demon that I'm meant to be
Check-in at the Jane hotel
Terrible people
As usual as dead from anti-anxiety meds
And the old gang grasping for air that's not there
Seeking out my own authentic season in hell
Though it doesn't feel quite as pompous
At least not as I can
At least not as I can tell
Dream, dream
Misery [?] yawning
Wrecked me for the summer's [?]
That I am free and almost alone
Down in Jersey I feel better
Why would you ask? Why should you care how I'm doing?
Do I bother you with those kinds of vapid questions anymore?
I wanna matter, I wanna be your friend, not a poison
This kind of love, our kind of love is so demoralizing
These tears I cry for you must prove that
I'm not the demon that I'm meant to be
Seeking out my own authentic season in hell
Though it doesn't feel quite as pompous
At least not as I can
At least not as I can tell
Seeking out my own authentic season in hell
Though it doesn't feel quite as caustic
At least not as I can
At least not as I can
At least not as I can tell
Cato, play with my head
I won't know the difference
If we're living in the novelist
Or statistician
Cato, mess with my concepts
My inner vision
Like a strobing light
Please confuse my every decision
I can't even pretend that you are my friend
What has happened to you and I?
And don't say that I have changed
'Cause man, of course I have
Are you far too depressed
Now even to answer the phone?
I guess you just want to
Shave your head, have a drink and be left alone
Is that too much to ask?
You are such a crazy girl
You're such a crazy girl
And I don't know why
I even try
To make you love me
I want it, babe
But you are just a, crazy girl
You are so crazy girl
I don't know why
I even try
To help you (can't help you, can't help you)
When I first met you at that Al-Anon meeting
And you made that reference to
"All your goodies are gone"
And even sang a verse
I was amazed how husky your singing voice was
I wanted to talk to you so badly, but
I didn't know how to come on because
You got that kind of beauty that makes people nervous
I know it's fucked, but before we got together
I even hooked up with one of your cousins
Just to feel somehow closer to you
Because I knew, like, you guys were best friends
And you talked every day
And it was thrilling to touch something that had touched you
In my head, you were like this goddess
But in fact, you're just a
Crazy girl
You're just a crazy girl
I don't know why
I even try
To understand you (can't stand you, can't stand you)
Your ass is crazy girl, yeah
You are so crazy girl
And I don't know why
I even try
To relate to you (can't wait for you, it's too late for you)
Yeah
My god, I should've realized
On our second date
When you dragged me into the bathroom at Tameka's house
And screamed at me for like twenty minutes
Because I had contradicted you in front of your friends
I was like, "Oh!"
And then later that night, at my apartment
As punishment, you killed my betta fish
You just threw it out the window
I did everything I could to make you happy
I participated in all your protests
Supported your stupid little blog
Got a Bowflex
Wore colored contacts to match your dresses
Whatever your eyes caught, I bought
Still we fought
Like Ike and Tina, but in reverse
Because you're so
Crazy girl
You're just to crazy girl
And I don't know why
I even try
To understand you (oh no)
Well, I think you're crazy girl
Yeah, you are so crazy girl
And I don't know why
I even try
To make sense of you (sense of you, sense of you)
Tell me why
Someone tell me why (why)
I should wait for you still (ooh ah, ooh ah)
Think
I was like crazy fan over you
Like I'm star struck over you
Like I'm getting handcuffed over you
Tim, wish you were born a girl
So I could've been your boyfriend
I know it's not possible now
I just never met a girl I like half as much as you
And we could lay around in bed, stay there all day
Or at least until the afternoon
And I could make you spaghetti with tomato sauce
With just a touch of oregano and a parsley stem
And then when you got sick
I could take the day off work
I could've made you chicken soup
And we could watch soap operas
Oh, those TV dramas
I could catch your cold
And you could take care of me
If I could've met you at school, or met you at work
It would have changed everything
Those years of losing, confusion and insecurity
They would have been shared
They would have been easier
Tim, wish you were born a girl
So I could've been your fiance
I'm not saying you can't be all these things for me
But it's just not the same because you're a man
And so am I